The Thomas Family Chronicles: It's Official!

LUKE IS A THOMAS!!!!!!

At 8:30 a.m. on April 18, 2011, Judge Wade Crumbley signed our Petition to Adopt, making Stephen Luke Thomas a permanent member of our family!

Judge Crumbley, our family, and the attorney representing us, Arnold Ernst, who is the husband of Ronnie Fishbein, the attorney who has represented us throughout our adoption journey.

The process was very quick -- Mr. Ernst swore Tom and I in before Judge Crumbley in his chambers on the third floor. We were asked to state our full names, and then Mr. Ernest asked us questions pertaining to the Petition to Adopt. Each question was answered in the affirmative (verifying Luke's date of birth, where he was born, etc.). Surprisingly, the whole process took less than two minutes! After the Petition was signed, we went down to the second floor to the Clerk's office where our attorney filed the original with the Court and ordered the birth certificate.

Waiting outside the Clerk's Office

I love this pic!!!! But it's blurry, you say! I KNOW!!!!! It is becoming increasingly difficult to photograph Luke due to his constant movement! I think we need to put the Nikon on the "active" setting (that's probably not what it's called, but I admit to being photography illiterate!) to keep up with his action!

Either Daddy changed the camera setting, or Luke slowed down enough for a photo! His little overalls say "Thomas" on the front. I stumbled across them one day on ebay and got them for $1.50. The mom who was selling them had a son named Thomas, and she paid $50+ for them. Whew! Better her than me!

Following our trip to the Court House, Daddy treated us to a celebratory breakfast at Cracker Barrel (I cringe to think of how much trans fat we ingested . . . . . ). It was a great morning for all of us, and we had a great time celebrating our little man, Luke!!!!!

After we got home around 11:00 a.m., Luke practiced his walking exercises with Christian and Andrew.

I love this one -- "Are you sure Mom said you could do that?"

"I'm getting the hang of it!"

Getting ready to wind down our morning with a diaper change and a nap.

He was squealing with delight!

Luke was quite the trooper this morning! I pulled him out of bed at 7:20 a.m. to get him ready to go to the Court House, which is earlier than he is used to getting up. When he does get up, he usually eats and goes back to bed for another hour. Because of our busy morning, he had to get up early, stay up, and he missed his morning nap. I finally got him down for his nap around 11:30, and we didn't hear a peep from him until 3:30 in the afternoon!

As I think about the events of this day, my heart is full of a multitude of emotions. First and foremost is joy and gratitude to the Lord for bringing Luke to our family! I am so happy for our family -- that Tom and I have the privilege of raising Luke as a covenant child, and that Christian, Andrew and Sarah know the joy of a younger sibling. I am happy for Luke -- that he has a mom and dad who love each other deeply and are committed to one another unto death, that he has older siblings who dote on him and enjoy his company, that he has a church family that prays for him diligently, that he has grandparents who think that he is the cat's meow, and that he has so many people who love him and pray for him!

My heart also feels immense relief -- relief that a journey that started four and a half years ago, long before Luke was ever conceived, has finally concluded today. I thought that the adoption process would be the healing balm to my heart following our failed infertility treatments. I was wrong. It was simply a continuation of pain and disappointment. I know that each failed adoption that we persevered through was a stepping stone to bring us to Luke. Our adoption journey didn't look at all like I thought it would, but it happened exactly the way that God ordained and I embrace it fully and thankfully! The view from the top of the mountain is never fully appreciated until you remember the struggles you faced and surmounted on the way up.

Mixed in with the joy, gratitude and relief is an element of sadness. I know that my joy comes because of a great sacrifice made by a young lady named Haley. When I gaze into Luke's face, I am reminded every day of her selfless choice to give him more than she was able to give him at this point in her life. I know that she rejoices with us today, but she drinks a bittersweet cup.

I have come to realize that the relationship that Haley and I have is uncomfortable to some -- open adoption they call it. There have been times when it has been uncomfortable to me. My heart nearly broke in two at the hospital to see her agonize over her decision to relinquish her rights to parent her own child. I think one reason that some people might be uncomfortable with our open adoption is simply because the concept is foreign to them. I believe that closed adoption portrays the birth parents and adoptive parents as enemies of one another, so the perception is that I am fraternizing with the enemy and endangering Luke. Haley most assuredly is not my enemy. Nor is she a co-parent. She is the woman who chose life for Luke and gave birth to him. Her genetic blueprint is written on every part of his DNA. She is no more and she is no less. She is his birth mother, the mother of his birth. She wishes she could have parented him. I wish I could have given birth to him. God ordained the part that each of us is playing in this adoption triad, and we must all embrace our respective roles and push forward.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

Guilt is a common feeling that many adoptive parents feel, because there is the perception that they have taken the child away from its mother. In this way, I feel that open adoption is far superior to any other form of adoption. Haley CHOSE Tom and I to parent Luke. We didn't take him from her. She CHOSE to give him to US believing that we can give to him what she can't -- a loving, stable two parent home. With that knowledge comes an enormous sense of entitlement -- we are doing exactly what she asked us to do.

As an adopted child myself, Haley represents the birth mother I never knew, and I have had to come to terms with some issues over my own adoption. I am thankful that Luke will never struggle with the questions that have haunted me my whole life -- who do I look like? Where do my physical characteristics come from? What hereditary health issues lurk in my genes? I am always looking at people, wondering if I share their biological lineage. For as much as adoptees love and are grateful to their adopted parents and families, the unanswered questions always linger. The biological ties that adoptees have to their biological families -- known or unknown -- cannot be ignored. I don't want Luke to ignore the fact that he looks just like Haley. I think that knowledge will bring him a sense of satisfaction someday. Everything I have read about open adoption says that the children of open adoption "get it." In fact, they "get it" better than the adults do. They know who their parents are, and they know who their birth parents are, and they are OK with it. Any anxiety they may feel as they process through the reality of their adoption is relieved when they know that they are loved by both their birth mother and their adoptive parents.

I look forward to writing about open adoption as time goes by. Everything is going well at this point. Haley is extremely respectful of our role as Luke's parents and our family's privacy. She has never demanded a thing, and we have been accommodating when she requests to see Luke. We all agree that his interests are most important, and that we will all do what is best for him as he grows. That said, I need to call it quits for the day so that I can do what is best for Luke when he wakes up at 7:45 a.m.!

Here is a bonus pic - I have two rose bushes at my front porch that have erupted in a glorious splendor of blooms! Click on the picture to see larger view! We cut them way back this past fall, and I think it made a huge difference in their yields.