News We've All Been Waiting For!

" . . . . The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 1:21 

  

Today, the Lord revealed to us what His will was for our embryo transfer.  God, in His infinite wisdom, perfect knowledge and holy will, chose for five tiny little souls to be ushered into eternity.  While our hearts are saddened that things didn't go the way that we wanted, we trust the will of our sovereign heavenly Father, for our eyes see dimly this side of heaven.  

We do not mourn as those who have no hope!  We look forward to a great day when the veil will be lifted from our eyes and we will always be with our Lord and Savior and our loved ones who have gone "to sleep" before us!

^"For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord,^[a] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first.  Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord."

I Thessalonians 4:14-18

A Lord's Day Prayer

O Lord of Grace,
The world is before me this day,
   and I am weak and fearful,
  but I look to thee for strength;
If I venture forth alone I stumble and fall,
  but on the Beloved's arms I am firm
  as the eternal hills;
I left to the treachery of my heart
  I shall shame thy Name,
  but if enlightened, guided, upheld by thy Spirit,
  I shall bring thee glory.

Be thou my arm to support,
  my strength to stand,
  my light to see,
  my feet to run,
  my shield to protect,
  my sword to repel,
  my sun to warm.

To enrich me will not diminish thy fullness;
All thy lovingkindness is in thy Son,
I bring him to thee in the arms of faith,
I urge his saving Name as the One who died for me.
I plead his blood to pay my debts of wrong.
Accept his worthiness for my unworthiness,
  his sinlessness for my transgressions,
  his purity for my uncleanness,
  his sincerity for my guile,
  his truth for my deceits,
  his meekness for my pride,
  his constancy for my backslidings,
  his love for my enmity,
  his fullness for my emptiness,
  his faithfulness for my treachery,
  his obedience for my lawlessness,
  his glory for my shame,
  his devotedness for my waywardness,
  his holy life for my unchaste ways,
  his righteousness for my dead works,
  his death for my life.

- The Valley of Vision
    A Collection of Puritan Prayers
      and Devotions

I took a test this morning . . . . .

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!(not)

It was negative.

Duh.  Of course it was negative!  I'M ONLY 4dp5dt!!!!!!!!!  Why, oh why, do I do this to myself????

Anybody else have confessions of obsession in the 2ww?

I have read of women getting a +hpt at 4dp5dt, so I thought, "Wouldn't it be awesome if I was one of those women who tested positive so early?"  So, last week, I bought 11 hpt's.  Yep.  You read that right -- 11-- a combination of FRER's and Dollar Tree cheapies.  The question I failed to ask myself was, "What happens if it is negative?  Can you stay patient and positive?"  

I tested with an FRER which can detect hcg as low as 12.5 and I got a stark white test area -   not even a faint line.  Nada.  Nil.  It immediately made me very, very sad and depressed.  I lost all perspective in that moment -- perspective that God is sovereign over all , perspective that He has given me a calm spirit (up until I tested), perspective that it is FAR TOO EARLY to be testing!  I have rebounded this afternoon and gained my perspective again and am in my right mind (well, let's not take a vote on that with my family right now!).  As of this moment, I am not testing again until the morning of my beta, and that day shall remain a secret.  

I should probably ask Tom to hide the tests from me . . . . .

Still Relaxing

We thought that we were going home today, but as we passed through north Georgia, we decided to take a detour and we found a campground in Ellijay.  For those of you who know us, can you believe it?  Tom and Kristine were spontaneous!!!!  Fall is my favorite time of year and there is much to see up here on the north side in the way of cider mills and and such, so we'll probably do some exploring tomorrow.  I would love to take home a bushel of apples to make pie, applesauce, cobbler and anything else I can come up with!

I am now 2dp5dt (translated - 2 days past a 5 day transfer) and feel wonderful physically (except for a little soreness from PIO injections), mentally and emotionally.  The Lord has taught me much on this journey of infertility, and one thing I have learned is that I control nothing.  My loving heavenly Father who does all things for my good will work His good and perfect will for His glory and my benefit (even when I can't see what the benefit is).  Sometimes it is with tears that I accept what He wills for my good, but I praise Him for His constant loving care of every little detail in my life.  As I lounged on the very back bench of the Excursion as we meandered through the hills of north Georgia this afternoon, the Holy Spirit brought Phillippians 4:6-7 to my mind - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I am so thankful that God lead us to embryo adoption!  I am so thankful for a tender-hearted husband who discerned that embryo adoption was the path the Lord wanted us to take, and that is why I am not anxious.  I wanted to pursue embryo adoption a few years ago, but Tom felt strongly that it wasn't the right time and that we were to list our profile at Christian*Adoption.  Because of his obedience, we are now mommy and daddy to the most amazing little boy!  No matter the outcome of this transfer, I am filled with the peace of God which surpasses all understanding knowing that we are on the path He chose for us.  Now, just because I am not anxious does not mean that I am not going to test at home with hpt's!  I need to know which direction things are going before I get a call from the nurse telling me what my beta number is next week.

Lukey's dislike for ducks that we discovered this week reminded me of some pictures I wanted to share.  A few weeks ago, Luke's GG sent him a stuffed animal that we have named Chuck.  He was given that name because we can't figure out if he is a duck or a chicken.  He has the feet of a chicken, but the bill of a duck, thus the name Chuck.  I laughed so hard when I took him out of the box because I immediately thought of the grumpy picture I had taken of Luke back in July.  Does anybody else see the resemblance between Chuck and Mr. Grumpy Gills?

 Mr. Grumpy Gills

Chuck

A Relaxed Day

 We spent a quiet day here at the campground enjoying one another's company, reading, taking walks outside and taking naps.  We don't live like this very often -- it was wonderful!

Sarah and I decided that Lukey needed a bath after crawling around on the trailer floors.  I said we would just do it in the sink, but Sarah thought we should do it in the bathtub.  Truthfully, I was feeling very lazy and didn't want to bleach out the bathtub and have to lean over the side to give Lukey a bath.  The sink was already bleached down saving me some work, so into the sink he went.  I quickly regretted my decision as water went flying everywhere!  He had it splashing over the sides and all over Sarah and I - we were laughing SO HARD!  We laughed even harder when he reached up and turned the faucet on which we had moved out of the way so water went all over the counter.  The two of us could hardly keep control of this wild little man!  I know it makes us sound totally incompetent, but this child is FAST!  You can see FUN written all over his face in the pic above!

Whew!  Out of the sink!

Swinging and cautiously watching the ducks with Daddy

Here are the ducks they were watching about 20 feet away.  I brought a box of Cheerios out and made the ducks very happy.

"I still don't like ducks."

We finished our day with dinner at Olive Garden which Lukey loved!  This boy can EAT!

Transfer Was Successful!

 It is with great joy that I announce that 3 little embryos were transferred today!  

We arrived at the NEDC at 11:30 for our 12:00 transfer.  I had taken my meds (ibuprofen, albuterol, and valium) one hour prior and was definitely feeling the effects!  Not to mention that I had a full bladder (required for the transfer).  We were a little concerned when we signed in at the front desk and were told that Dr. Keenan had been trying to reach us on my phone (which we had left in the trailer for Sarah).  A few minutes later he came into the waiting room to talk to us about our embryos.

All four of our primary donors embryos had been thawed -- one had arrested, two were of very poor quality (Dr. Keenan gave them a 1% chance of survival), and 1 was of excellent quality.  We were heart broken to hear that we had lost one, so we had to process that for a bit.  We had indicated that we wanted to transfer 3 embryos, and given the low probability that two of them would survive, we decided that we would thaw the one remaining embryo from our secondary donors.  Dr. Keenan was totally comfortable with transferring 4 given the low probability of survival for 2 of them.

By the time we got back to the transfer room, we were told that another embryo had arrested leaving us with 3 to transfer.  Our hearts were so sad at the loss of two embryos, but we were so thankful to the Lord for the 3 that remained.  Dr. Keenan transferred 1-5AA emerging blast, 1-5AB emerging blast, and 1-6CD hatched blast.  There is a fertility center in Chicago that explains embryo grading that has been very helpful to us in understanding the development of our embryos.  You can go here if you wish to learn more.  In quick summary, 5AA and 5AB are very high quality grades, while 6CD is a very low grade.

Our babies - 5AB on the top left, 5AA on the top right, 6CD on the bottom

Unfortunately, I do not have a scanner here in the RV, so this is the best I can do!

Holding the babies after the transfer!

We are surrendered to the will of God almighty, the creator of all things, the giver, sustainer and taker of life.  To Him be honor, power and glory both now and forevermore!  Amen!

Eve of Transfer

 It has been a whirlwind two weeks - our Michigan trip was 9 days long, we were home for 2 days, and now we are camping in Knoxville for our embryo transfer!

It is the eve of our transfer and my emotions have caught me by surprise.  I have been joyfully anticipating this day's arrival for months and it is finally here.  Tomorrow at 12:00 p.m., 3 little embryos will be transferred to my womb and hopefully, Lord willing, will grow strong and healthy for the next 9 months.  I am awed that I have this opportunity to offer my body as a home to tiny human beings that wouldn't have the opportunity at life otherwise!  But back to my emotions - I anticipated being giddy with excitement the night before the transfer, but instead, I feel very somber and reflective.  I have even been in tears today (did I mention that I am on super doses of hormones?!!) thinking about the fact that after 6 years of being frozen in liquid nitrogen, our little embryos are going to be warm again.  And then I thought about what the embryologist told us about the attrition rate for thawing embryos - on average, only 75% survive.  The prospect of losing any of these tiny lives breaks my heart and I think I am in mourning.  I do not doubt that God can preserve the life of each embryo thawed -- that is exactly what we have been/are praying for -- but many others have prayed that none would parish for their transfer too and still have lost some embryos.  Death is a reality in our post-fallen world -- even death for embryos, unborn babies, babies who spend a few short months in their parents arms, toddlers and children -- all a part of the sovereign will of our Lord. 

I am somber because I am contemplating the life and death of my tiny unborn children -- life for some, death for others.  Oh heavenly Father, that you would will that they all live!!!!!!!

Tom gave me this beautiful snowflake necklace in honor of our embryo adoption and transfer -- it is beautiful!  Thank you my precious husband!  (Those are cz's -- two out-of-state trips this month, working on finishing the upstairs, college expenses and embryo adoption = $$ owie!)  

Today is the eve of our embryo transfer and also Tom's birthday -- Happy Birthday my Love!!!!!  Sarah, Luke and I took Daddy out for dinner at Macaroni Grill and then out for some ice cream.  Didn't get a single picture of those activities!  :(  Now that we have Luke, I find that I am far more focused on him rather than snapping pictures!  

When we came back to our campsite, we decided to do some exploring and walk around the pond here at the campground.  It is truly the most picturesque campground we have stayed at!  

We have a little stream running alongside of our campsite - love opening the door to hear the water trickle by!

Lukey and I at the beginning of our walk around the grounds - we were feeding the ducks some bread here.  Lukey (in the moby*wrap - the greatest invention EVER) does NOT like ducks.

  Sarah and Molly on our walk.

There is an old grist mill on the campground property that we plan on exploring later in the week.

We found an old house behind the grist mill that had some pretty weird stuff inside (we peeked through the windows).  Tom thinks they probably make it into a "haunted house."

After the transfer tomorrow, I will be on bed rest for at least 24 hours and plan on making some back posts of the last couple of weeks!

Next time I post, I will be PUPO!!!!!  (pregnant until proven otherwise)

A Quick Update

I went to the doctor today and my body is ready to receive those precious little lives on Monday! Dr. Keenan is looking for my uterine lining to be at least 7mm and my estrogen (E2) to be at least 150.  My lining was at 12mm and my E2 was 579.5.  Woo hoo!  The nurse at the NEDC gave me clearance to start the progesterone injections tomorrow morning.  I'm not as excited about starting those as I am for the transfer on Monday, but I'll do whatever Dr. Keenan tells me so that my body is an ideal environment for the little ones.

We have been in Michigan the last week for my late husband's father's funeral (I have lots to share, but not tonight).  As we drove down through Knoxville yesterday, just a few miles from the NEDC, my heart yearned for those five little lives that were so close in proximity as we drove past.  Little did we know that when we went to the NEDC in July, that they were waiting for us just in the other room.  All is being revealed in God's perfect timing, and there is such liberation and peace in knowing that He has ordained all things for His glory and our good!

I know the statistics when it comes to thawing embryos - 25% of them don't survive.  However, we aren't allowing the statistics to hinder our prayers.  Tom and I are fervently praying that the Lord grant life to every embryo that is thawed!  He who has given life to the tiniest of these can sustain it if He wills it to be so.  We wholly trust in His sovereign and perfect will no matter the outcome.

We are in the process of unloading the trailer, cleaning and washing so that we can start reloading tomorrow for our trip up to Knoxville on Saturday.  

I will update as soon as I can!

Resting in the Arms of Jesus

James Eugene Skaggs

November 1, 1934 - September 6, 2011

My late husband's father passed away this morning after a battle with cancer.  He was one of the sweetest, kindest, do-anything-for-you persons I have ever known.  He leaves behind a legacy of selfless giving and servanthood, all for the glory of his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful to have called him my father-in-law and for him to have been the grandfather of my children.   Please pray for his bride of 53 years, Lila.  His biggest concern in the face of death was leaving her behind, but he knew the Lord and her family would care for her when he couldn't any longer.  You are already greatly missed Papa!

Random Weekend Thoughts

The new snowflake background is in honor of our five, little snowflake babies waiting to join our family! I am giddy with joy at the prospect of these five tiny lives waiting for us. When I discovered I was pregnant with each of my older three, my heart literally fluttered with excitement! I couldn't sleep early on because all I could think about was the tiny little life growing inside of me. That is how I felt about Luke when he was growing inside his birth mom's tummy, and that's how I feel about our newly adopted embryos. They are already growing in my heart!

Please be praying for the family of Jim Skaggs, my late husband's father. He is in the final hours of his life here on earth and will be with the Lord very soon. Our family will be traveling to Michigan this week as soon as we know the arrangements.

Here are some pictures from our weekend:

It dawned on me over the weekend that in order to keep Luke from shoving fistfuls of food in his mouth which causes him to choke and then grab even more food to shove in his mouth, that I should spread the bites out on his tray.  Bingo and duh!

Lukey loves to play with his sissy.

This is Luke's reaction to the new shoes I bought for him - terror!  He does not like them one bit!  He only stood for this brief moment holding sissy's leg before he dropped to the floor and just stared at them.  He wouldn't crawl.  He wouldn't move.  He then started to whine at me, so I removed them.  That's what I get for not wearing any kind of shoes on him for the first 9 months of his life!  I believe in piggies being free in the summer time!

Kitty jumped up on the window sill and Lukey tried in earnest to pop him with his measuring cup.  Lucky for both kitty and Lukey, the glass separated them.

I made this 8" x 20" collage of pictures on canvas at Heritage*Makers - and I love it! 

This is what I found on my fridge this weekend - I couldn't agree more.

Lukey is 9 Months Old Today!!

"Hello?"

Trying fresh whipped cream for the first time - yummy!

Fun Facts About Luke

Fact 1
Luke is a roly poly little fella weighing 23 lbs.  He wears size 4 diapers and 18 month clothing just fits him -- next week it might not!  He is also wearing 24 month clothing, and I am buying 24 month and 2T clothing for the winter months.

Fact 2
Luke likes to move.  Constantly.  The only time he is still is when he is sleeping.  His constant movement makes it difficult to take pictures other than when he is contained! 

Fact 3
Lukey got a new swing!  He's still not totally sure about it because it is unfamiliar at this point, but I think he will come to really enjoy it over the next few weeks.

 Fact 4
Luke does not like being outside, which may be why he is not totally crazy about the swing yet.  I don't think it's so much being outside that he doesn't like, but that he gets very annoyed when he gets hot and starts to sweat.  He doesn't like grass either.  We have beautiful, soft zoysia grass which feels yummy on the feet.  But not Lukey's feet.  I like to sit outside with him on a quilt in the shade of the tress in the evening.  He'll crawl over to the edge of the quilt, take his little pointer finger and barely touch a blade of grass.  He acts like it has shocked him and quickly recoils!  Then he'll crawl to a different side of the quilt (because you know that the grass might be different over there) and do it all over again.  I get such joy watching him discover the world around him!

Fact 5
It happened.  I am mortified.  Luke put dog food in his mouth.  Someone (who shall remain nameless) was feeding the dogs their dinner and didn't pick up the bowls in a timely manner.  I came in to the kitchen and put Luke down not knowing that the bowls were on the floor on the other side of the bar stools.  Lukey crawled out of my sight, I quickly went to fetch him, but not before he could pick up a piece of Purina One Beef and Rice and put it in his mouth.  Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!  Thankfully, it was not swallowed.  He was rather miffed when I fished it out of his mouth -- must have tasted good!

Fact 6
Luke loves to hit things, people included.  It seems to be his way of showing excitement about something.  When he is happy to see me after he wakes up from his nap, he smiles big and hits me in the face a few times when I pick him up.  When Tom picks him up, he smiles big and clobbers him in the face a few times.  When his siblings greet him in the morning when we all gather in the kitchen, he smiles big and beats the air several times in their direction.  When we go to church and the all the little people come up to greet him, he smiles and tries to sock 'em a few.  When he likes the food I am feeding him, he tries to give the spoon a good knock.  When he picks up a toy, he beats it on something.  He just loves to beat the snot out of everything!  Obviously, this is not good behavior, so we are working on being gentle.  Andrew didn't get his drums until he was in high school.  Might have to get Luke a set much sooner!  In the meantime, anyone who knows him well knows that as you approach Luke, you grab his hand or you are going to get clobbered!

Fact 7
Lukey loves routine, especially the night night routine.  I always give him his bottle in the same position while rocking in the chair in my room.  After he finishes the bottle, he climbs up on my left shoulder and lays his little head and down.  Then we rock and rock until he lifts his head up and lets me know that he is ready to lay down in his bed.  I pray for him, then I lay him down in his bed and he always moves into the same position -- he lays on his right side, left leg out in front of him, right thumb in mouth, left hand clutching blankey, but not just any part of the blankey.  It has to be the corner.  He will shift and shift that blankey until he finds a corner, and then he'll grip it until just the tip is sticking out of his fist.  He does this three times a day (morning nap, afternoon nap and night night time) without fail. 

Another routine is diaper changing.  Because he is so wiggly, I have to give him something to play with while I change his diaper.  He knows that when he lays down, I will give him the yellow Burt's Bees comb to play with.  The when we are done, it goes back in the drawer.  This might be TMI for some, but I am going to share it anyway because I think it is funny and I will forget someday.  Lukey knows that when he has messed his diaper that he is going to get a reaction from me.  The only time he lays still when I put him on the changing pad is when he has messed his diaper.  He lays there looking at me smiling, knowing that I am going to make a big deal of how messy and stinky his diaper is, which he thinks is funny stuff!  (My favorite thing to say is, "Lukey made dukey and it is shooey shooey!"  Lame, I know.  But he loves it!)  Sometimes, he has made just a tiny little mess and I am not aware of it until I lay him down.  I know because he just lays quietly smiling at me like, "Guess what I made . . . . "

Fact 8
Lukey's experiments with new foods are going well.  The only thing I have found that he didn't like was taco meat.  He begged and begged for it, so I gave him a little piece.  It wasn't spicy at all (because I can't handle it) but he did not like it and went into very melodramatic antics to get it out of his mouth.  Everything else, he eats and swallows.  The worst thing to me about babies learning to eat is that they seem to choke on everything.  Luke's answer to choking on a piece of food is to shove more food in his mouth.  Oy!  He is doing very well with his fine motor skills and can pick things up easily with his thumb and forefinger, but he has found his fist to be a much more efficient way to shove large amounts of food in his mouth.

Fact 9
Language recognition is definitely taking place.  I am sure that he said "mo" to me yesterday, meaning "more."  I have been working on that word with him, and I really do think he repeated it after me yesterday when we were eating dinner.  He knows his name -- and not just Bubby either!  He responds to Luke and seems to recognize the names of family members and the dogs.  He makes lots of speech patterns, his favorites being "mo," "da," "ba" and "th."

Fact 10
Lukey's schedule looks something like this:
6:00 a.m. - Start making noise
6:30 a.m. - Start making a little more noise
7:00 a.m. - Stand up and holler so mom can hear me  :)
7:00 - 7:30 - Play in bed with mom (and dad if he's home)
7:30 - Diaper change and bottle
8:00 - Breakfast in the kitchen with family
8:30 - 10:00 - Play time
10:00 - 12:00 - Bottle and nap time
12:00 - Lunch
12:15 - 2:00 - Play time
2:00 - 4:00 Bottle and nap time
4:00 - Play time
5:30 - Dinner time
7:00 - Bottle and bed time

It is 12:10 and I hear Bubby hollering for me to come get him for lunch!